Unsure asked: I’m in my early 20s and I have been married now 4 years. I live about 6 hours from my parents (their choice, they moved there right after I graduated HS, and I stayed here). Well, they call—a lot, on a normal week at least once a day, on an abnormal week, we might miss one day. Also, some of those days they call more than once a day. A few weeks ago we talked on Friday, then I didn’t call them Saturday, they called me Sunday, and when I didn’t aswer, they were going to cal the police–luckily I called them back before they found the phone number for the police station. Constantly e-mail, want me to constantly send pictures etc. I understand that I can e-mail easily, but they want to know EVERY single detail of mine and my kids live’s (I should have mentioned I have 2 kids–1 &3). I’m kind of busy with my kids, but they don’t seem to get the idea. If I do not answer the phone, they will call back repeatedly…one time while we were having dinner they called 14 times. I know they want to be good grandparents, but I’m not really loving how they invade. They also invite themselves up for the weekend–with like a day’s notice. Or they’ll change plans to better suit them even if it is not what we had decided, but it’s what they want to do.
For example, we had agreed to meet halfway between our house and theirs for Thanksgiving this year and eat at a resturant. My husband and I decided this would be best for our family because when my parents come over they pick our home apart and criticize everything–where we hang our pictures, how our furntiure us laid out, that our kids are allowed to eat at the “adult” table and why we don’t buy them their own table to eat meals at etc So this was the plan since late September. Last week they called and asked me to call a certain place in my city to see if they will be open that day, because they’ve decided they want to come up here and have lunch, and stay the next day so they can go with us to the mall to go see Santa. Well we don’t do Santa I got to a church that doesn’t believe in celebrating Santa, but rather Jesus at Christmas, and I don’t want to go to the mall the day after Thanksgiving with 2 toddlers anyway (been there, done that, not worth it). So they’ve totally taken our plans and changed them without our consent.
How can I deal with their constant calling and with them changing plans without consulting me. I know I’m still young and they are probably still having a hard time with the idea that I’m not their little girl anymore, but I really need to run my life and need more respect from them.
Any suggestions, tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Steven
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